home. puking in laundry basket.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
