Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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