when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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