One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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