i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
