she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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