Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
