Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize