The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
