Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize