Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
