Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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