My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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