shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
