I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
