We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
