My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize