Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
