I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
false alarm, still single
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
