I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
