**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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