i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
