It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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