Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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