Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
