If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
