I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
