my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
