why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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