I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
