He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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