Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
