Please, let me fuck your mom
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize