Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
