come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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