Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
is it fun? or sober?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
