Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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