it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
