the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
