I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
