feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
