We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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