no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize