but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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