if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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