Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
