Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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