I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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