i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
