You just made me feel so damn special
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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