My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
