Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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