how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
