ugly people sure do ruin things
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
