a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
