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Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
