I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
