For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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