I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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