the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
