I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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