i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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