Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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