I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
