I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
