She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
