I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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