Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
