I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
