i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
