The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
