Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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