Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Houston, we have a squirter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
