she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
