whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
