I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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