Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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