you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
