My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
