I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize