In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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