This house was built for laser tag.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
