i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
