We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
