wakey wakey hands off snakey
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize