i just wanna soil my oats bro
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
