I think I won the penis lottery.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
