What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
