I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He did a backflip because drugs
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