btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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