just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize