I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
