We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
