I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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