Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
