just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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