just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
