dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
As shirtless as possible
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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