he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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