Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
